Finna start using this more, for real. Even little things, because I sort of feel like the older I get (ripe old age of 20...but still), the easier I forget the things I THOUGHT about before. I generally remember the types of things I did in high school, middle school, even elementary school or before, but I don't remember what I was thinking about - so I'm going to start writing short bits about what I'm thinking about. I'm also not going to be concerned with this being "public" - because I know so few people read it - so everyone get ready for that.

Anyway, tomorrow is my real first writing meeting with Prof. Ouellette so let me just talk about the book I'm reading. It was recommended by my friend Jen, and it's also by a woman named Jen, Jen Lancaster. She is hi-larious. It's called "Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie is Not the Answer." I actually laugh out loud to this book.
Here are some gems:

"Dear Ben & Jerry's,
Just so you know, a pint of Chunky Monkey IS considered one serving. Please either adjust your nutritional labels accordingly or create a smaller package.
Best, Jen Lancaster"

"Pver the summer we chatted one night while Angie stripped a bed, changed wet sheets, comforted and repajamaed a toddler, and chased down a car of speeding teenagers while shaking a brick at them, enver once interrupting the conversation or setting down her amrgarita. The only reason this woman isn't president of General Motors is because she's chosen not to be."

"...and get this - when I told my mom about finally taking care of this debt, she said 'You're just like that Osama fellow' which... what? I had no idea what she was talking about and she replied, 'You know, your Illinois senator - Senator Osama. When he got his book deal, the first thing he did was pay off his student loans.' I told her if she couldn't differentiate between the terrorist Osama bin Laden and the Democratic senator Barack Obama, she may want to taper back on her 24/7 FOX News viewing."

"What's stopping you from dieting?"
"Sloth? Lack of proper motivation? The new Democratic Congress? Honestly, I don't know why I'm not doing more, because I'm certainly thinking about it 24/7. Then my mind goes back to a life spent not eating cookies and I wonder why I'd even bother, since life wouldn't be worth living. The good news is I bought another tanning package, and that's almost the same as dieting. You know, tanning is the new black."

"Motivated by the thought of all the custom cabinetry and guest bathrooms $250-large could help buy, I tried to get on The Biggest Loser last year, but I acted like myself in the audition and the screeners cut me. I didn't even get past the initital casting call because obviously they didn't want strong, confidnt women who liberally employ the F word...
Speaking of the Losers, it seems like the contestants stay on track because they ahted how they looked and felt when they were heavy. Unfortunately for my waistline, I'm fine with both these things...
Seriously, how could America not fall in love with me?"

"I quickly put on a pair of Lycra workout pants and a sports bra and yank my hair out of its ponytail. I apply a sparkly coat of lip gloss, contour my cheeks with a dark blush and don my favorite string of pearls because I'm going to document my weight loss photographically!
I look...nice...
My teeth are superwhite, my hair is bouncy, and if I saw me on the street, I'd totally think I was cute...
I rush back into my office to download the photo... after what feels like hours, the iamge appears on my monitor. It's showtime! And...now all I want to know is this: how the fuck did Jabba the Hutt get into my bedroom, and why is he wearing my pearls?"

"The problem is, I normally think I'm the most fascinating person ever to don a pair of Air Nikes, but the second I hit the elliptical, every interesting thought I ever had exists stage left to hang out at the juice bar until I'm done."

those are just a few, but I should for real go to sleep now. Or keeping this reading this book, since I can't seem to put it down. Either one.