last night I had one of those meltdowns that comes from nowhere. All of a sudden, I was just very upset as I was trying to sleep and in complete panic about what my family is going to do. I started to think about how I could get my mom to move out of my house and couldn't find an option. I started to think about what my dad is doing, and becoming especially irritated that I emailed him last week and he had not contacted me back. In the email, I asked him honestly, what are you doing? Because I can't figure out what he's doing everyday with his life. The fact that he had not felt like responding bothered me, as he usually responds fairly quickly, and I didn't know what this meant. As I panicked, I pulled out some old letters from friends and my mom and naturally, read them and cried. I thought it would make me feel better and in a small part, it did. But then I laid back down and another wave of meltdown hit me and so, in true fashion when I can't sleep, I got my blue rosary and started to pray it, mostly because something with the repetition always makes me fall asleep. I nearly never finish it. Also because I am secretly a 70 year old woman who prays the rosary. Surprisingly, the praying made me cry even harder, and earlier I had been listening to my ipod (another thing that usually calms me down) but now I had taken it out and all I could hear was my crying and I think that made it worse. Finally I stopped that, and started writing a "petition to God/the Universe" like Elizabeth Gilbert does in the beginning of Eat, Pray, Love (which I am reading again). Then, I thought about all of the people that would sign this petition that would get my mom a better job/living situation, give my dad courage to fix his life and get well, and get my parents separated. I slowly stopped crying as I named almost everyone in my family, every friend I've ever known, several celebrities that I think would favor me in this situation, several dozen other Saint Mike's celebrities and even some professors. It's the last thing I remember doing so I must have eventually drifted off.
When I woke up this morning, I checked my email. Several junk mail things, Old Navy trying to get me to buy MORE clothes, parking passes, Saint of the Day...and an email back from my dad. With his tentative "plan" and priorities. Although they are weak, and don't directly address the situation of his addiction as I had hoped, and even though he took a full week to respond, he did. God/the Universe listens.